How Do I Know He’s the ONE?

Have you ever wondered what true, lasting love looks and feels like? Maybe you are in a relationship that you think is not “living up to its true potential”. Maybe you need an example of real love to know if this is the guy for you; if he is the one that God has called you to marry.

We know that no one is perfect but don’t let that be your excuse to stay in a relationship with someone who might not be the one for you. Here are just a few ways that you should be able to tell that this man truly, really loves you like Christ loved the church.

I believe everyone has one great love in their life; an unexplainable, undeniable, unrepeatable love that can only fall short of the ONE greatest act of true love that this world will ever witness (Jesus’ sacrifice of His life for yours). The man who captures your heart will know you and will know your soul and he will love every single thing about you.

What Your Dream Guy Wants in a Girl

(Guest Post) 

I recently did an interview on the topic of dating, marriage and courtship. I was giving my thoughts on romance, boundaries, guys and how I want my future relationship to work out.

One of the questions the lady interviewing me asked was “what qualities are you looking for in guy?” 

Talk about a super basic question that I should easily know the answer to. Wrong! I was totally caught off guard and had to scramble to give an answer. It had been awhile since I’d seriously thought through that question and wasn’t really prepared.

After the interview I rethought through her question and was pretty satisfied with my “on the spot” answer.

I told the lady that I was praying for a man who: 

1. Is concerned about glorifying God with his life.

2. Has an eternal mindset (not just living for the here and now.)

3. Loves children and desires a family.

4. Has a passion for ministering to the people around him.

“Love Is…”

Define “love.” What is love? The Merriam-Webster definition of the noun,”love,” is: “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person,” or “attraction that includes sexual attraction.”

Now, those are pretty familiar definitions, but is that all love really is? Is love merely “feelings of affection” or “sexual attraction,” or is it more? If love is nothing more than feelings or attraction, you can bet it won’t last long. Feelings and attraction can come in a day and leave just as quickly.  Thankfully, love is not simply feelings or attraction. Love may RESULT in these things (feelings, attraction), but they are by no means what love IS. Love is selflessness. Feelings are fleeting, but a choice to love is solid and unwavering. 1 Corinthians 13 gives many examples of what love truly is and what it isn’t.

The first quality of love, listed in chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians, is patience.

Patience has been a struggle of mine for years.  I was born impatient (at least that’s how it felt), and grew to be impatient before I had the wisdom to realize I had done it.  I tried to work on it, but my patience never lasted for long.

My husband was quite possibly the biggest reason I ever had for being patient. Don’t take me wrong here, I don’t mean he was hard to get along with; on the contrary, he was very easy to get along with.  We were just beginning our relationship together at the time, and it was wonderful.  He was a very patient person (he still is), and didn’t like it when people got “bent out of shape” about things.  His incredible patience and desire for others to have patience was what drove me to pursue patience and contentment.  I don’t know if he even realizes it, but he was the reason I tried so hard to be patient at home.  I’m so thankful for his constant example to me.  Now, I’m significantly more patient than I used to be (though definitely not as patient as I will be someday), and I’m much more content.

How to Handle Your Desire for a Boyfriend

{Guest Post by Bethany Baird}

Annie was twenty-two going on twenty-three, boyfriend-less and struggling to trust in God. She lived in a small town, worked at a small business and went to a small church. Let’s just say the male prospects in town were small as well.

The longing in Annie’s heart to finally meet and marry the man of her dreams was becoming overbearing. How could she possibly remain content in life when true love was nowhere on the horizon?

Although Annie’s heart longed for a guy, she made the tough decision to give her desires to God and wait patiently on His timing. Annie’s relationship status didn’t change right away, but her perspective and attitude towards her circumstances took on a whole new look. Annie went from being discouraged over her current guy circumstances, to believing that God truly had a plan for her love life.

I’m Just Not Attracted to Him…

{Guest Post by Kristen Clark}

“I am just not attracted to him…” Have you ever said those words about a guy before?

Do you know a guy who is really awesome in every way (he loves the Lord, is godly, kind, desires to grow, etc.), but you just aren’t attracted to his outward appearance? I have been there and know exactly what that feels like.

Before I got married, God taught me some hard truths about the reality of my own heart and motives in the way I viewed certain guys.

Let me start out with a true story. See if you can relate.

She’s too pretty for him!

One day I was having a conversation with some of my friends about a certain girl who was getting married. She is a beautiful girl and is engaged to a godly man who absolutely adores her. He desires to lead her, protect her, and give her the best life he possibly can.

My friends were having a really hard time accepting the fact that their friend was getting married to this great guy. I asked them what the issue was and they finally confessed that they thought their friend was too pretty for this guy.

“We just never envisioned her marrying someone so unattractive.”

Sure, he isn’t the most popular guy around and he definitely isn’t the “stud” all the single girls are talking about; but he is a godly guy who loves the Lord and desires to marry a godly woman. He has a servant’s heart and will make the woman he marries feel like a true princess.

With so many great character qualities going for him, why would anyone not want their friend to marry him? Could it be that their focus is so tuned in to his outward appearance that they won’t take the time to look deeper?

Do we really care about his heart?

The truth is, most of us think like this whether we want to admit it or not. This was definitely a struggle of mine when I was single. On the outside I would say, “It’s about the heart,” but every time I met a godly, but physically unattractive guy, I made immediate judgments.

I was even guilty of thinking some of the same terrible thoughts about the guy from above:

“He sure got a good catch for a wife.”

“Why would such an attractive girl go for an ugly guy like him?”

“She could marry way better than him.”

I am disgusted by my thoughts and ashamed that I let myself ponder them.

Thankfully, God has opened my eyes to how wrong this thinking is.

I want to change my view of people from an “outward” focus to an “inward” focus. When we, as Christian girls, base our entire attraction on what we think about a guy’s outward appearance, we are looking for a relationship that will only bring short term infatuation.

Infatuation means: “To be inspired with an intense but short-lived passion or admiration.” When our first priorities are on outward attraction, we are saying that what is on the outside is more important than what is on the inside.

Sure, it’s a necessary thing to be physically attracted to your future husband, but it shouldn’t be the trumping standard for his “attractiveness.”

Hollywood says to follow your heart.

Hollywood’s messages are all about finding the person who fulfills you and turns you on. It’s all about you. No wonder the majority of movie stars have tragic heartaches and multiple divorces. They are living according to human desires and sinful passions.

We need to turn to God’s Word to see how He views people.

1 Samuel 16:7b says, “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

Another great place to go in Scripture to look for inner qualities in a man is 1 Corinthians 13. This chapter talks all about true love. It explains what genuine love is supposed to look like.

If you want to get married someday, I’m sure you want a husband who understands true love and displays these true love qualities in his life. Patience, kindness, tenderness, self-control, etc.

Muscles and a full head of hair will fade as he grows older, but a man who understands true love will only grow more patient, kind, and self-controlled. That is the kind of man worth marrying. Our focus needs to change from outward to inward.

What kind of qualities are you looking for in a future husband?

Are you focused on his looks or his character?

Let’s turn it around. How would you want a guy to view you? Would you want him to be more focused on your outward beauty or your inward character?

Proverbs 31:30 says: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

Let’s put that in manly terms. “Strength is deceptive and muscles are fleeting; but a man who fears the LORD is to be praised.”

Like I said before, I believe you should be physically attracted to the man you marry, but it shouldn’t be your primary focus. Don’t reject a guy from the beginning just because he isn’t “attractive.” Have an open heart towards God and be willing to pray about him.

If you start praying for a man of godly character now, your eyes will be opened to amazing guys that you hadn’t ever considered before.

Let’s make it personal:

• Are you guilty of judging guys based on their outward appearance?
• Do you view a guy with good looks and no character as more attractive than a genuine godly guy?
• What is the most important thing you want in a future husband?

-By Kristen Clark: http://www.girldefined.com/